The idea of having sex can be a daunting cause of anxiety for many newly single women. We can tell you that it was definitely a topic that made us nervous. So many un-serving doubts cross our minds…
We know this is easier said than done but, it’s time to squash those un-serving, negative self-beliefs and figure out what it is that you really want. Let’s tackle these negative thoughts one at a time.
Q: What if I never want to have sex again?
A: It’s finally time for you to take the reins and decide what makes you happy. If you don’t want to have sex ever again, then don’t. No one is keeping track and at the end of the day it’s really all about you! You are going through so much emotional baggage after your divorce that you may think you never want to have sex again. Physical intimacy is a basic biological need so once the dust settles, you may change your mind.
Q: What if no one will ever want to have sex with me?
A: Again, there is so much emotional baggage to sort through after your divorce that you may wonder if you are even desirable to anyone. As long as you want physical intimacy and are ready for it, you will always be able to find plenty of interested candidates. Here is an interesting tidbit from Ian Kerner (sex therapist, Ph.D, author of “She Comes First: the Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman),“I meet a lot of guys who really struggled through their divorce. They’re finally free and it’s almost a return to their college years where there may be over immersion into one night stands, going to bars, and picking up women…” According to Dr. Kerner, this one-night stand behavior newly single men experience usually serves as a short balancing phase. So again, lots of candidates are available for you when you are ready.
Q: I’ve been out of the dating game for so long I don’t even know where to begin when it comes to finding a sexual partner.
A: This is another topic that causes anxiety for many newly single men and women. We recently devoted an entire blog post to this topic. How to Start Dating After Your Divorce
Q: Will anyone ever find me attractive in that way?
A: YES! This one is all about you being happy with you! This is a counterintuitive concept but, trust us when we tell you that people react to you the way you react to yourself. So if you truly believe that you are worthy, beautiful, smart, desirable, etc., that is the kind of attitude you will attract towards you.
We love to hear from you! Leave a comment with any questions you may have on Sex and the Newly Single Girl or any other divorce topic. We would be happy to answer them.